Affirmations

The world twists and it turns my wit's with clenched fists and it burns. My minds clearer than the ocean without bp oil killing fishes and birds. Yes it's thoroughly absurd. Bible versus putting bars and verses in your hearses, like a thief in the night I got away with words. Bars stacked yet bells ring, clock work timed, guantanamo bay and sing sing. We're all imprisoned by our egos waiting for eyes a new with the freedom it brings. I tend to burn faces off when I talk cus I spit fire melt the smug off your face. My lines dripping down the back of your throat , I'm the medicine, no chaser, no sugar, now how does it taste? Tired of people thinking they know the weight of what they say and know not what they mean. I'll be the fire to burn this shit down, the flood to wipe the slate clean. I'm not meaning to preach, but we should all comprehend the meaning of truth. And how the hell do we live with ourselves and smile pretty if it's an eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth?



At times I dwell on the past but always living for today. Our lives built on what could've beens, what we can and what we may. Can you feel the substance of what you hear? Can you relate? Can you find? If I put insects in your ear, may I stimulate your mind? Can you filter out what matters? Can you thoroughly define? If you get everything you wanted, may you leave this world behind?



I'm faint voices in the distant echoing slightly yet persistent, I'm the crack in your voice when you scream. I'm silver linings in clouds breaking, risks worth making and taking, I'm the sand in your eyes as you make sense of your dreams. I'm the conscience pushed away replaced with temporary lies that you've told. As days pass you by, I'm the question of why? I'm the burning in your heart from the drinks as its left you bitter and cold. I am daybreak, clear thoughts of what you've said and done the night before. Empty promises of enough, yet we always yearn for more. I'm the everlong exclamations of your oh my gods and what the fuck? Still I am hope shaped as rabbits feet when you haven't any luck. So realize that it's your time, you've never really needed help. To realize almost anything, you have to realize and help yourself.

among any other name...

I sit and ponder lifewise with set beats and instrumentals.
Life is an everlong cycle of fate changing with its mishaps and accidentals.
Even though I don't have all the answers I'm willing to stick around to see the whole way through.
Past tears like visine, life lessons felt and we've seen..is what makes me and you.
Life's a journey with roads that twist, signs we miss, with steps impossible to stand.
Do you think it's past tense when I plan out visions of me and you watching this city burn hand in hand?

Yeah change is constant our willing to adapt is the way to filter out all the things we feel and felt.
Unhealthy habits that turn you off is used in a positive way to bring me health.
But yeah I feel you, I see you, I breath you in, your essence takes a hold of me.
A piece of you used to patch the cracks left behind, a piece of you..the whole of me.

I try to comprehend all the words you say, all the signs put out, all clues in sight.
And I know you can measure what's genuine and true from the words that I write.
This isn't just poetry in action, it's facts being surfaced, in me you should trust.
Even though I reach with open arms, this feeling this rhythm in my soul is for the both of us.

My intentions for this piece was to let you know a side of me maybe I've left behind.
But that smile, that voice, those eyes..can't help..they take over my mind.
So fuck it, let them deal and assume what they need, want, and what's right.
And from these finger tips through plastic keys you feel the words that I write.

Words that I say, words that I mean, words that I take back that I deem obscene.
Words and past fears, past lives and ideas, words lost in translation, words craved like a fiend.

I'm a veteran of life yet prone to suffering I knew it from the start.
If love is a battlefield..where the fuck's my purple heart?
I've got scars healed over...tattooed over time.
The lines blur as life slurs what's ours, what's yours and what's mine.

I'm a glutton for pain you know, through life I flow..since the day I was born.
A rose by any other name, smells just the same..but will still prick you with its thorns.

Apartment 81 is a dream state.

I just woke up from a dream so lucid I thought I woke up in a different planet. It started off with me getting a ride from this girl name Gopi. What was strange was she was driving my dads red car and she was sitting indian style and not using the pedals below her. I told her I needed to go to this party I planned on going a while ago. Before asking her anything concerning the way she was driving and why she was driving my dads car I trailed off and fell asleep to the fleeting trance music in the stereo. Yes I fell asleep in my dream. I woke up in the house I was suppose to go to and by how dark things looked it seemed like I was sleeping there the whole day. I was asking the few people spread out on the floor what happened and someone said I hung out there last night and slept the whole day. I looked through the pictures on my phone and camera and saw blurred images of people I thought I recognized.
Someone also mentioned that Vanessa who lives there is coming home from work soon and that we should clean up before she does.

Moments later I was trying to talk to my friend Betty and asked her when she came back to Florida. She said she was only there for that one occasion and that I should get on my bike which was left outside to go home and change if I wanted to hang out with her. I looked around and saw the red car that dropped me off. I had gone back in time to the day before. I road down steep hills that reminded me of 13th st. For some reason I stopped on the way home to hang out with my friend Jose and Vijay and had a couple of drinks. It ended with me going back into an apartment that I suppose I lived in. I was looking around and didn't recognize anything but a number popped in my head 81. I thought I lived alone and then met my roommate who I've never seen before. I was asking everyone around me who they were and how I knew them. They all had elaborate stories and detailed events on how I met them and who I knew them from.

Then I had this moment self awareness and told everyone that I was dreaming. That everyone around me and apt. 81 was a dream state. They seemed almost appalled at the concept. I was fully conscious of the real world and the dream world. I was creating people on the spot giving them identities. Ripping open time and space itself and exposing cracks of light on the walls and ceiling. Levitating objects and telling people who I really was and where I lived. Someone asked me what the greatest power to have in a dream world was. I thought about it and said the ability to wake up. And I awoke.

NOSAJ THING "AQUARIUM"

It's a very complex video because it doesn't have any words to it. From what I read in it, he found someone he was interested in loving and sharing his life with. But during the time they spent she grew away from him because she was starting to realize who she was and who she was not. One day he finds her missing without any warning and he goes on in his life holding on to her memories, and he realizes..to be able to ever learn how to love he needs to 1st learn how to let go. He jumps in the to accept this and come to terms to his realization. Him jumping in the water to me is him saying he loved her so much he was willing to give up his own life to be close to her. It's truly one of the greatest manifestation of love..the ability to know if it's real.

Dear Miss Shanda,

I don't know how to start this message. I guess I'll start with hello. I was going through some really old letters and pictures in a folder I thought I had lost and found one of the letters you wrote me ages ago while I was in sago palms academy. This is Grant, I hope you remember me. I was thinking about how you were one of those very few people that saw the good in me and actually connected in a different level than others. And I suppose this letter is a thank you in a way and also to try to connect again with you and see how you are. A lot has happened in my life since we last spoke. I was engaged for some years after I turned 18. I've hopped around from job to job. Collected abundant amounts of memories and life lessons. I also wanted to say I'm sorry for my actions back then. I was very young and full of untamed inhibitions. I could try to say I've grown, but we're always on a non stop journey of self discovery and self awareness. Thank you for being there for me when you were. I guess that's the main focal point of what I'm trying to get across. I hope this email does work and I hope this does get to you. I want to know how life has been on your end. I want us to get to know each other again because I'm sure we're both two different people from different places in our lives. If this doesn't get to you, I suppose I just wanted to write this as a homage to my memory of you. I hope you've been well Miss Shanda.



Sincerely,
Grant











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fraushanda@cs.com

Some of the most beautiful sunsets I've seen behind fences of razor wire.

Don't you miss me?

I asked my ex this the 1st few weeks when we broke up and she said no..after almost 3 years of being with that person. It's been a little over 7 months and I haven't gotten a response because I haven't asked, and I never will...from anyone..because I don't fucking care.

awake...

Sometimes we become sad reflections of ourselves lingering on the pain for it makes us feel real. For it makes us feel anything other than the broken pieces we've tried to put together to try and remind us of who we are and who we want to be. They say to be human is to be imperfect, then it's moments like these that should make us feel alive.